Mia’s Diary 2- The Ex- That Never Truly Leaves

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“Hay baby; see you at 8pm, same restaurant… love- jason”…

I had this sharp pain in my tommy and felt adrenaline gush through my whole body at the highest hydrant. My fiance gave me that concerned look; ‘are you okay baby, you were so excited about us spending time together’ – he said, hugging me from behind and planting many kisses on my face.

      “I had just received another text from my ex’: he probably came all the way down here to see me and to clarify somethings with me, so we could at least remain friend even if not lovers: its just the normal disguise he uses to ruin my happiness like he always does and like he had been doing. I had left most of my serious relationships and potential suitors because of him thinking he would change… and each time he still dumps me and comes back as soon as he sees me happy with someone else.”

       I smiled sheepishly at my fiance not knowing whether to tell him or not… he’s an amazing man who always looks out for my best interest; who has been through alot and i’m scared to bother him wit,h anything right now… i turned to face him,  looked him in the eye and gave him a hug; he just hugged me tight and said; we’ll be fine.
I guess he understands my language, knowing that im not much of a talker, i still find it quite hard to express myself as much as i want to even towards people i know that care about me.

     Everyone came to the rest house to relax; all i could hear through my loud heart beat was their loud laughter, i’ve hardly said anything to anyone  and everyone kept teasing me about how beautiful a mother i would be, and mum kept talking about me growing up and stuffs… which made me blush partly— but really all i could think of was the clock ticking away and time rolling down fast to 8pm.
I needed someone to tell me what to do, i needed to just stop being confused … ‘ oh God’, i sighed… my emotions where eating me up…

       It was 7:53 already.
I quickly excused myself and told my fiance i wanted to take a drive downtown, though he offered to take me down but i humbly declined and hid under the pretense of wanting to have sometime to myself and ohw, sweet heaven i have such a wonderful and understanding man; he just nodded and asked me  to be careful and promised to cover up for me… we both smiled and i clasped my palms together in appreciation and drove off.

    I got down from my ride and walked into the restaurant ; my hearbeat  shot faster immediately i caught sight of him, i told myself i wouldn’t be intimidated by him nomore.
My steps grew  slower and slower, and i was trying so much to balance my giddy self… as i got closer to where he was, i saw him look at his watch.
As I pulled the seat, the first thing he said shooting me a tooty grin smile was-  ‘you’re late missy…  ‘i frowned more at him and sulked ‘… ‘like seriously’- i thought to myself ,  why was he being corky at first sight…
‘Im kidding you’, he said; letting out his mockery laughter-
  “i didnt say anything, i just moved backwards my seat and looked away”

–  i thought of everything I’d been through… everything he put me through; how many times i had thought his coming back could mean good to me, and truth is i was part of the whole deception process. And slowly i began to realize i had been kinda dumb so to speak or even stupid to keep coming back to this selfish,  self-centered, self consuming, corky bast*** , always reminding me of how many girls he could get once i left.
“And as for me i had been holding on to this mirage for so long; i was too scared to move on- too scared to let him go, i was scared to see him happy without me too, scared if i moved on, i might not be happy for long, scared that if i allow him go; he will let me go too.

Even though i knew we were both infatuated, i was scared i might not ever have what i had with him… but come to think of it, what did we have?
Nothing! Absolutely nothing! … we were never happy, it was all about the intimacy, it was all about my drop dead gorgeous body.

‘Okay baby’, what would you love to have?

He said; pouring me a champagne.
‘So… you’re going to marry him? You love him? Its in two months time you know, you could always come back home to me , the home’s yours…you know…’ Jason leaned so close that i could hear his heartbeat too. ‘Well, i know that even though you’re married, i still gat’yu’… he said with a smirk on his face.
My heart ached so much because just now it occurred to me I’ve made just another mistake by leaving the most amazing man just to hear this a**hole brag and toy with my feelings.

‘I imagine you sneaking me into your house once he leaves home’- Jason winked , and went hysterical …

I stood up pushing my chair so loud that i got the attention of most people around us;
he looked stunned… i took the bottle of champagne and emptied its content on him; ‘im sorry Jason, its the way the cookie crumbles’… i had no idea where i got that from nor what it meant. I smiled, wore my hood and walked out feeling so satisfied for the  first time… Jason’s abased face was all i could see, i won this time.
  I suddenly stopped to feel the cool breeze whilst listening to a song by Ellie Goulding ft  Calvin Harris.
‘And i suddenly went hysterical, walked to my car and zoomed off’…

     I drove so fast because i ached so much to meet my amazing man, it felt so good to know i was finally over Jason … and i really wanted to be with Dave… i wanted to be in love now, to really feel adored and to allow him treat me like the queen i am.

     And when i got home, i met Dave sitting outside waiting for me… i shut the car door and ran to him like one of those fairy-tale movies i had seen. He stood up to meet me- i hugged him so tight… ‘i love you so much Dave’- i hardly say those words… i felt Dave freeze a little; ‘ i love you more cupcake… we’ll be fine… he paused and repeated ….

              ‘yes, we will’.

So in the last edition we talked about why we are usually so stuck on some old relationships that are not just worth it…
Hay most times you just have to ignore your heart telling you a lie, that “maybe” a relationship might “maybe” work when you guys are finally “maybe” married,… but hay, if its obvious that its never gonna work… let it go… sometimes holding on hurts more than letting go…
Please if it hurts,  Let It Go…

Story by; Adeyemisi bethel

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